The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties.
"After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
But then the wife suddenly stops and says “I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
“WHAT!?” says her husband.
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can`t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 dollars each.
The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says “You don`t even play tennis, but if you like it then let`s get it.”
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, “I`m ready to go, let`s go to the cashier.”
The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now.” The wife`s face goes blank. “Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, “You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled,
“How`d you do that?”
“I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, “But then I`d have to kill you.”
After a short pause, the man yelled back, “Ok, then… just tell my wife!”
There was this couple who were running late preparing for the big party, and it just so happened that the husband had on a pair of trousers that had a buttoned fly, one button of which had come off and needed sewing.
The wife simply did not have the time to tend to it so she suggested he run across the street to have her lady friend take care of the matter.
And so he did. A little bit later he came back with the button sewn on all right, but he was terribly beaten up.
“Good grief! What in the world happened to you! You just went over there for the button to be sewed on, and now look at you!”
“Well, when I told her what I wanted done she said to take a seat and that it would just take her a second. So, I sat down and she began sewing on the button. Everything was just going along just fine until she bent over to bite off the thread and her husband came in the door.”
