196 - Joke : Stop seeing my wife

"Boy, I'm scared,"  John said to one of his friends.

"I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."

"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."

"Easy for you to say."

"You like her that much?" the friend asks.

"It's not that," declared John.
.
.
.
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"He didn't sign his name!

143 - Joke : Little Johnny - Vaseline

One day, the Mayor of Whatsville came to Little Johnny's house to see his mother.


"Little Johnny," said the mayor. "Is your mother home?"


"Yes, but she's in the shower."


"What about your father?"


"Yes, but he's in the shower."


"Are they going to be long?"


"Yeah," said Johnny.


"Why's that?"


"They asked for vaseline...and I gave them Superglue!"

142 - Joke: Little Johnny - Lesson in government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.


When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was.


His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''


''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.


''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.


''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parents' bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

141 - Joke : Little johnny - Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"


Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."


Mary answers, "He's in my heart."


Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"


The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.


"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

128 - Joke: What parents do for a living

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That’s very nice," said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That’s very nice," said the teacher, "Johnny, what do your parents do?"

He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.

"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher.

Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number."

22 - Woman with eight children

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, “Johnnie”.
“Right”, he said, “what about that blond one over there?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Are all your boys called Johnnie?” he asked, “Isn`t that terribly complicated?”
“Not at all”, she said, “it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.”
“I see. But what if you want only one of them?”
“No problem.” she answers. Then I call them by their surnames.”