143 - Joke : Little Johnny - Vaseline

One day, the Mayor of Whatsville came to Little Johnny's house to see his mother.


"Little Johnny," said the mayor. "Is your mother home?"


"Yes, but she's in the shower."


"What about your father?"


"Yes, but he's in the shower."


"Are they going to be long?"


"Yeah," said Johnny.


"Why's that?"


"They asked for vaseline...and I gave them Superglue!"

141 - Joke : Little johnny - Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"


Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."


Mary answers, "He's in my heart."


Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"


The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.


"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

36 - How To Shower Like A Man

1 - Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2 - Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3 - Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4 - Get in the shower.
5 - Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6 - Wash your face.
7 - Wash your armpits.
8 - Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9 - Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10 - Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11 - Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12 - Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13 - Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14 - Pee (in the shower).
15 - Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
16 - Partially dry off.
17 - Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
18 - Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19 - Leave bathroom fan and light on.
20 - Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21 - Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.