143 - Joke : Little Johnny - Vaseline

One day, the Mayor of Whatsville came to Little Johnny's house to see his mother.


"Little Johnny," said the mayor. "Is your mother home?"


"Yes, but she's in the shower."


"What about your father?"


"Yes, but he's in the shower."


"Are they going to be long?"


"Yeah," said Johnny.


"Why's that?"


"They asked for vaseline...and I gave them Superglue!"

142 - Joke: Little Johnny - Lesson in government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.


When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was.


His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''


''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.


''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.


''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parents' bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

141 - Joke : Little johnny - Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"


Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."


Mary answers, "He's in my heart."


Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"


The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.


"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

140 - Joke : Example of bravery

A Spanish Naval captain was walking leisurely on his battleship when a subordinate rushes over to him and says "Sir, an enemy battleship is fast approaching us. We should be ready."

The captain replies coolly "Go. Get my Red shirt." The subordinate rushes over and gets the Shirt for his captain. The captain wears the red shirt.

After some time, the enemy battleship comes in range. Consequently heavy rounds of fire are exchanged between the two battleships. After much effort, the Spanish win.

The subordinate approaches his boss, "Congratulations for the victory sir, but why did you require the red shirt in the first place?"

The captain replies "Because, during the war if I got injured then my blood should not have been seen as I did not want my men to lose hope and to Fight with the same ferocity."

Just then another subordinate rushes over. "Sir, we just spotted another 20 enemy battleships heading in our direction."

The captain replies coolly “Go. Get my yellow trousers.”

139 - Joke : A reason behind petname

A man was invited to a friend’s home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names.” His buddy hung his head. “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”