181 - Joke : The clever news reporter

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

180 - Joke : Talking clock

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand-new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's actually a talking clock."

"You're crazy. Show me how it works then!"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God’s sake…it's 3:30 in the goddamn morning!"

179 - Joke : Someone under the bed

I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under my bed. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.

Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the psychiatrist. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.

How much do you charge?
Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.
I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you, I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having? he asked.
Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.

Is that so! With a bit of an attitude he said, and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?

He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!

SCREW THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BAR TENDER.

178 - Joke : Chinese Southern Airlines announcement

Pre-take off announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight. This is true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao.

Chinese Air Stewardess :
"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to waycome you on board our Bowling 737 fom Shenzhen to Qingtao. Members of my kew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m.. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill." (thank you)