160 - Forrest gump dies and goes to heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance exam for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here, Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.

Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have has only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God's first name?"

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. Forrest returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow.

The saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking, but... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer." "How about the next one?" says Saint Peter, "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest. "But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second......."

"Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter. "I see where you're going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'll give you credit for that one too."

"Let's go on with the next and final question." says Saint Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest says, "Well, shore, I know God's first name. Everybody knows it. It's Howard."

"Howard?!" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's Howard?!"

Forrest answers, "It's in the prayer."

"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "Which prayer?"

"You know, The Lord's Prayer," responds Forrest: "Our Father, which art in Heaven, Howard be thy name......"

151 - Joke : God gift to india

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining his subordinates...

"Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deers there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension...

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes...

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked... "God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?" God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", my most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold...

The angel was quite surprised "But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied - "Look at the neighbours, I gave them."

121 - 4 Things You Never Knew Your Mobile Phone Could Do

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

1. Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

Also in Australia , the Australian emergency number 000 can be dialled whilst your mobile phone keyboard is locked. This is another reason why 000 receives so many false emergency calls!

2. Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editors Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

3. Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

4. How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone!:

star-hash-zero-six-hash

* # 0 6 #

A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Not only the above, but also in Australia your stolen phone is added to a "Stolen Mobile Phone" database, so if your phone is found later on it can be returned to you.

68 - The Trouser Snake

NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower frontal abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling occurs followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. It has been known to attack men in the lower posterior section, resulting in an incurable disease and consequent death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the initial bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reportedly successful.

MILKING THE SNAKE:

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile,with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, starting to spit.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last known time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 15 - 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION:

This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and when treated with the right kind of respect, makes a wonderful pet.