183 - Joke : XXX rated ATM machine

The other day, my friends and I went to a ladies' night club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

 

Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to his other butt cheek.

 

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulled out a $50 bill and called the guy over. I was worried about the way things were going, but she licked the bill and just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

 

My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things were going, the guy gyrated over to me! Now everyone's attention was focused on me, and the guy was egging me on to try and top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.

182 - Joke : The palm reader

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table.


Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."


Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."


"That's true," said Paul.


"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"


"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"


"Love line? No, from the calluses."

181 - Joke : The clever news reporter

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

180 - Joke : Talking clock

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand-new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's actually a talking clock."

"You're crazy. Show me how it works then!"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God’s sake…it's 3:30 in the goddamn morning!"